Pinball Hall of Fame

We just spent just less than 24 hours in Las Vegas: barely enough time to see a performance, make a return visit to the most acclaimed thai restaurant in America, and, the core of the trip, a pilgrimage to the Pinball Hall of Fame Museum, largest collection of pinballs in the world.

141 pinball games, all of them playable with real quarters, and 60 additional arcade machine rarities (like the early 70's target shooter games from Chicago Coin, and bizarre early driving games that entirely used models, motors and pepper's-ghost-lighting effects). Their collection has some things you'll never see again, like this head-to-head machine from '71, and Pinball Circus, a mechanical marvel that didn't pass the prototype stage because its production was too expensive; they have one of the two machines in existence. And just playing ubiquitous classics like Fireball is a treat, because the machines are regularly serviced with new lights, plungers and bumpers. Certainly more rewarding than a slot machine, and worth a visit to the consumerist hellhole that is Vegas in itself.

Visit The Website

2008 Discoveries

From a list of 10 organisms newly found in 2008, via wired.com:

Leptotyphlops carlae was found in a patch of forest on the eastern side of Barbados. Thin as a spaghetti noodle and small enough to curl up on a quarter, it's believed to embody the evolutionary limits of snake smallness.

Myrmeconema neotropicum does something no other parasite can: mimic fruit. The abdomens of infected ants swell and turn bright red, making them easy targets for berry-hungry birds who then spread M. neotropicum's eggs in their droppings.


The 18-ounce Rhynchocyon udzungwensis — also called the grey-faced sengi — is a giant in its family (which, technically, are not shrews, though they are distantly related to elephants).

Read the whole list here.

3D Photography, (almost) Free

Just picked up a new interest in the last couple hours: shooting 3D photos with a single digital camera, and using a software program to make them into anaglyphs.

-Just put your camera on a tripod, or a stable surface that will accept lateral shifting (like a stack of boxes or books).

-shoot your left picture, then your right, moving the camera between exposures; 2" for subjects with a long depth of field (roughly the distance between your eyes), and compensating to as little as a 1/4" difference for close macro shots.

-find a anaglyph conversion software program. If you look hard enough you can probably find one for free. I paid $10 for this shareware.

Just load your two pictures (being sure to distinguish the left/red from the right/blue) into the software and your 3D image suddenly appears. I just shot these this afternoon. Get those glasses on and click to enlarge, then start making your own.

Our backyard aloe plants in full winter bloom.

Outside our sunroom, with the tiki sculpture in the distance.

Vampirella torments her victim, whilst Dr. Deadly lurks in the background. (all characters copyright Aurora Models, 1971)

Careful with those tongs, Dr. Deadly.

Christmas with The Chimps

3D Theater: Holiday Edition

Remember to put the red lens over the left eye, kids. It's also recommended you blowup the video to fullscreen, and turn down the volume in favor of your own music. We chimps have programmed the video to loop automatically, so keep those glasses on throughout the night to soak up the 3D scenery. Have a peaceful evening.

Faith vs. Reason

referred by boingboing.net.

The 1979 Sears Wishbook

Someone has uploaded the entire catalog as a flickr set. You know the drill: if you're ten years old (in 1979), you always start at the back page and work your way forward 'till it gets dumb.

The Futurechimp wish list: any of the plethora of handheld electronics (pages 669-664), Big Trak (662), Zodiac Astrology Computer (659), Disco Pinball (637), Micronaut Rocket Tubes (616), Godzilla with Launchable Claws (613), Fantom 4 Hovercraft (605), Mighty Men & Monster Maker (566), and a Phono-Organ (499).

Just think of all the entertainment and education this site has provided you in the last year. Why not show your appreciation by locating one of these fine items on ebay right now? email our offices for shipping details.

CLICK HERE

The Sensual Santa

(click image to enlarge)

Christmas Evil

From today's Toronto Globe:
Christmas Evil, The obscure 1980 slasher film - which by today's standards plays more like a low-budget psychological drama - has become something of a cult classic in recent years. A 2006 DVD includes audio commentary by none other than John Waters who deems Christmas Evil "the best seasonal film of all time," adding, "I wish I had kids. I'd make them watch it every year and if they didn't like it they'd be punished."

The director has the only 35mm print in existence, which he travels with for screenings. But it's easily found on dvd, and highly recommended.

Black Christmas

Torment your loved ones this holiday season by screening the original 1974 Black Christmas, my vote for creepiest movie of all time. It has a huge cult following and an extensive fan site, yet I don't personally know anyone who's seen it.

This is groundbreaking territory for a horror movie; John Carpenter's Halloween is often cited to be the first of its kind, but it was originally conceived as a sequel to Black Christmas, made several years earlier with a similar plot and atmosphere, albeit less cinematic and more realistic.

I hesitate to embed this very lengthy and spoiley trailer, because it's best to go into the movie knowing nothing about it. But such is the wont of Futurechimp to be multimedia:



Not at all gory or exploitive, lots of unexpected twists and turns, a moody sense of dread throughout, and unforgettably scary. And John Saxon is in it. And it's by the same director who went on to make A Christmas Story. Rent or buy it before the end of '08 to give your holiday a little kick.

(I know nothing about the 2006 remake, and unless someone I trust recommends it, I plan on keeping it that way.)

Santa's Punch and Judy

Gruss vom Krampus!

In a heartwarming pagan custom predating the Christian era (6th century a.d.), children in small alpine towns of Germany and Austria would fear the coming of the Krampus, St. Nicholas' horny, malevolent alter-ego.

Back before anyone in the region knew the name of Jesus, St. Nick would visit all the good children on his Feast Day of Dec. 6th, bestowing them with gifts. But the night before, his lesser half, Der Krampus , would come to beat misbehaved children with a switch. And if they were really bad, he'd carry them off in his basket to spend an eternity in hell.








But as you can see in these vintage postcards, the Krampus would also spend his precious few hours on the material plane engaging in leisure activites, like sledding and accosting young ladies.

In the Bad Gastein Valley outside of Salzburg, Austria, residents continue to re-enact this tradition every December 5th by dressing up as Krampuses and running rampant through the village, singling out attractive, unaccompanied women who are foolhardy enough to leave their homes and "birching" them (swatting their asses with branches).










The Krampus enjoyed a resurgence in 19th Century Germany, when malicious parents would award their kinder with Krampus postcards, reminding them to shape up or be shipped out by a cloven-hoofed, leering, demonic incubus. Like Der Struwwelpeter , it must have made parenting a whole lot easier.

Get a whole book of the Krampus postcards this Christmas to horrify your own kids.

Santa The Diplomat

Christmas Time Tunnel

Clicking the link below will magically transport you to a suburban living room 25 years in the past, with some of the most Godawful crap ever broadcast on your cathode ray tube. You can only get three channels at a time, and might have to adjust the rabbit ears for better reception (I didn't discover this until my second visit). Although there's no acceptable excuse for watching holiday-themed episodes of Perfect Strangers or Who's The Boss, there are also lots of surprises like church pledge drives and vintage commercials. There's also a schedule, so be sure to click the TV guide in the upper corner of the screen so you can check the listings and maybe come back later. Hey! The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special is on in 40 minutes! Nice!

BETAMAXMAS.COM

Lampyridae Larvae

Fresh out of the oven, my first prototype of a solar-powered glowworm. The body is vacuum-formed polyethylene, the head and legs are cast clear urethane. The electronics are pulled from a solar yard lamp, containing a high-intensity l.e.d., solar cell, battery, and photocell that automatically turns the glowworm on at night. Suitable for outdoors, but there's also a ten-foot cable so the charger can stay in a sunny area outside your windowsill, and the glowworm can sit on your bedside table to watch you sleep. Cozy.


The nighttime pictures haven't been photoshopped, nor was additional lighting used when shooting them. This is lit from solar power collected during the day.


11" long x 3 1/2" wide x 2 1/2" high. $75 (includes shipping). email glowworm@stexeweb.com to order.

Heavy Vibes, Man

Cheeta or Charlatan?

It is with a heavy heart that the Futurechimp editorial staff, as respectable journalists, feels it necessary to bring to your attention a very convincing article from this week's Washington Post. It doesn't definitively prove anything, but the evidence doesn't look good.

Who is Cheeta? We may never know for sure. But no matter what, this fact remains: the money you send to the c.h.e.e.t.a sanctuary goes to the welfare of apes who need your help, and the "ape-stract" painting you get in return is cool, no matter which chimp executed it.

Read the sordid story here.

Cryptid Corner: Giant Bats

Cryptozoologists the world over have been searching for the elusive Giant Vampire Bat, a creature not seen in forty five years; the last sighting was in a theatrical revival screening of 1935's Tarzan Escapes.

Exposition: After the box office success of the excellent Tarzan The Ape Man and the even better Tarzan and His Mate, MGM set about making the third film of the series, tentatively titled The Capture of Tarzan. Containing murderous pygmies, animal cruelty, torture and vampire bats, it was deemed too intense for release (brutality, sex and nudity were ubiquitous in the first two films, so it must've been really bad). The Vampire Bat scene, which took a week to shoot, was particularly notorious; legend is that children ran from the preview screenings in terror. The studio fired the director, removed the bats, and re-shot most of the film. Retitled Tarzan Escapes, it set the tone for all the Tarzan movies that followed: boring, family-friendly entertainment (although it's notable for being the first starring role of Futurechimp Hall-of-Famer Cheeta).

In 1954, the uncut Tarzan Escapes was released in theaters, as evidenced by the presence of the bats on this trade ad:


The result was a generation of traumatized children. Read one man's harrowing encounter with this gruesome spectacle here.

This "director's cut" has since disappeared, and like the legendary spider pit scene from King Kong (similarly cut for being too scary), no bat footage is known to currently exist. Cryptozoologists remain hopeful.

Through The Needle's Eye

Willard Wigen, who was dyslexic as a child and to this day is unable to read or write, is generally acknowledged to be the most accomplished living micro-sculptor.

He works in solitude at night (when there's less static electricity in the air) and allegedly meditates in order to slow down his breathing and heart rate. He then sculpts between his heartbeats.

An exhibition of his work (microscopes included) has been touring the U.K. for the last year, and is due to travel through the U.S. in 2009. A couple quotes from this shorts news magazine piece made me laugh out loud: "I enjoy it when it's finished... I don't enjoy it while I'm doing it. It's misery." And, "I think I inhaled her."



Visit his website.

Wigen's sculptures are not to be confused with those of Hagop Sandaldjian, whose work is on permanent display at the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Los Angeles. But if you're a regular visitor to this site, you're aware of that already.

Futurechimp's Brain Revealed

If you have a blog, Typealizer.com is worth a minute of your time. just enter your site's address, it'll spend a few seconds analyzing all of your sentences and topics, then present you with a profile.

It's common for a blog to be written in a manner different from that of the writer's persona, so this is meant to be taken as a summary of writing style, not necessarily the author's character. But this assessment seems pretty accurate all around: Futurechimp is the active and playful type, attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities... happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

It even gives you a CT scan:



Insightful analysis of your blog as a neural network, or just horoscope narcissism? Who cares. It's free. Give it a swing. What else are you going to do with your workday? Read tmz.com?

It's Alive: Leaf Mimics

A fascinating photo essay on Leaf Mimics can be found here. The entire site (conservationreport.com) is worth visiting on a regular basis, mixing biological wonders with topical issues. It's everything futurechimp.com could be, if it only would grow up.

Science with Synthesizers

Futurechimp Kiddie Klassik: Cobweb Hotel

Frodo: Alpha Chimp

excerpted from National Geographic:

Frodo's predations within Gombe National Park have been amply documented. In one four-year period, Outside magazine reported in November, he alone eliminated an estimated 10 percent of the park's colobus-monkey population within his hunting range.

Frodo seized the position of alpha male in 1997, taking advantage of his brother Freud when the latter came down with mange. By then, however, his instinct for dominance had already produced a series of violent run-ins with prominent Homo sapiens. In 1988, for example, "Far Side" cartoonist Gary Larson was the target of Frodo's belligerence. Larson walked away from the tussle with only bruises and scratches, but his caricatures of primates as malevolent geniuses gained a sudden authenticity. A year later Frodo jumped on Goodall and thrashed her head so thoroughly that he nearly broke her neck. In the wake of that incident Goodall has consistently refused to enter Frodo's territory without a pair of bodyguards along for protection.

Like most of his hundred or so fellow chimps who live protected existences within Tanzania's Gombe National Park, Frodo remains a fiercely efficient predator. The chimpanzees regularly hunt down other mammals—notably colobus monkeys—and kill them for fresh meat. This behavior is normal for wild animals, but it brought tragedy to a human family in May 2002, when Frodo snatched and killed the child of a Tanzanian park worker.

On the morning of May 15, 2002, the wife of one of the park attendants was following a forested public footpath through the park near Lake Tanganyika's shore. Her destination: the Kasekela research camp where her husband worked two miles away. Walking behind the woman was her 16-year-old niece, who carried her aunt's 14-month-old baby in a sling held firmly to her back.

The trio had just crossed a dry streambed when they surprised Frodo feeding on oil-palm fronds only 12 feet from the path. As the spouse of a park employee, the mother probably knew that park rules bar children under 12 from visiting the park, and she almost certainly was aware of the mortal danger posed by chimps. Her shock and terror must therefore have been unimaginably extreme as she watched the 121-pound Frodo draw near, wrest the baby girl from the niece's back, and disappear into the forest. By the time help arrived from the research team, Frodo had scrambled up a tree and was holding the limp form of the baby, which he had begun to eat. Lacking the defensive support that the larger group would have lent him, Frodo was easily scared off, and the baby girl's dead body was recovered.

While representatives of the Tanzanian National Parks Department debated euthanizing Frodo, the Gombe research team weighed alternative courses of action and struggled to put his behavior into context. Pressed to clarify the circumstances surrounding the assault, Dr. Kamenya furnished the primatologists' perspective: What we see as murderous conduct, he explained, is standard for chimps in the wild. Characterizing Frodo's attack as the "natural hunting behaviour of chimpanzees," Dr. Kamenya pointed out that the animals regard human babies "just as they view the young of other species such as colobus monkeys and baboons—as potential prey.

This incident wasn't mentioned in Frodo's biography on Goodall's website, presumably because it might disturb children or more importantly, discourage potential doners. Read about the sorry souls who, to this day, live in fear of Frodo here. And see his more gentle side here.

Vintage Science Films

The Wellcome Collection, a medical museum in London which I'll be visiting in a couple weeks, has put many of its 16mm instructional films online for your perverse enjoyment.

Be sure to read the descriptions of the videos before diving in, so you know what you're getting into: Gold Ball Implantation describes itself as "a straightforward demonstration of a specialised operation that removes the inside of the patient's eyeball." No thanks. And just reading the title Circumcision already tells me more than I want to know. Choose wisely. For starters, I recommend Cruel Kindness. An educational film seemingly made for parents, it cautions against the dangers of childhood obesity. And don't miss Looking Around, which tells you how to suspend arthropods in resin.

Some of the films have to be downloaded before viewing, and none of them have embedding code so I can't mirror anything on this site. To get started, click here.

Three Favorite Reagan PSA's

You gonna smoke that?



"son, you're doing it all wrong. You shoot it between the toes."



Paid for by the White House (a.k.a. your tax dollars).

The Landmaster

A description of the ridiculously overpriced Landmaster vehicle from the ridiculously overpriced movie Damnation Alley, quoted from imdb.com:

The 12-wheeled "Landmaster" vehicle used in the film was created by Jefferies Automotive in Universal City, California at a cost of $300,000 in 1976. The Landmaster is powered by a 391 cubic-inch Ford industrial engine, and features a fully-functional, custom-built "tristar" wheel arrangement, which could actually help it "crawl" over boulders. It also used an innovative steering mechanism that guided the vehicle, not by the front wheels, but by "bending" the middle section with hydraulic rams to affect a turn. The Landmaster's bodywork was made with 3/8-inch steel plating, which helped it tip the scales at over 10 tons. It was so tough, in fact, that it survived a 25-foot jump during testing with no damage. The Landmaster was sold to a private owner in 2005, and is currently undergoing restoration to its original condition.

Fox Studios ended up spending 17 million dollars on Damnation Alley (for comparison, Star Wars, which was released the same year by the same studio, went 3 million over budget for a total cost of 11 million) and it's so bad, you can't even find it on home video (it turns up on cable, and you can see the whole thing on youtube).

From wikipedia:
a key sequence involving giant 8-foot long scorpions attacking a character riding a motorcycle was first attempted using full-scale remote control scorpion props, but they did not function as intended, and the resulting film footage was unacceptable. The solution was to utilize living normal-sized scorpions composited onto live action footage using the blue screen process in post production - unfortunately with poor results.

Judge for yourself:

The Cabazon Dinosaurs

In 1964, Claude Bell started spending his spare time away from his job (as a portrait artist at Knott's Berry Farm) building the largest dinosaur in America. It took 11 years, $150,000 and 150 tons of concrete, but finally Dinny (pronounced "Diney") was born on the side of Interstate 10 in Cabazon, California. It was intended to draw customers to The Wheel Inn Cafe next door, which he managed and is still open for business today. Other than some assistance from an ironworker, no construction contractors were used. He built it all himself.

In 1981, work began on a second dino, Mr. Rex. The original plan was for a slide to be installed on Rex's tail, but that was scrapped sometime after Claude's death in 1988. It was nearly finished at this point. You can now climb up Mr. Rex and view the desert through his teeth, just like in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. But it looks a little different from the movie:


Claude had intentions to build a Wooly Mammoth and Sabertooth Tiger alongside the two dinosaurs, but expired before making them a reality. For nearly 20 years the dinos have enjoyed a clear view from the freeway, but very recently that's changed; Now they've built a burger king, a gas station, and other pieces of roadside detritus to obscure the scenery. There's also a parking lot, picnic tables and fences which make the tableaux decidedly less elegant than the outdated pictures you see here.

More alarmingly, in 2005 the entire site was purchased by creationists. So now when you climb up the inside of Dinny's tail to his air-conditioned abdomen, you'll find a gift shop selling creation science dvd's, alongside a handful of exhibits which counter everything you were taught in your heathen science class.

One of the most charming details of Claude Bell's handiwork is the sculpted hominids in the beams of the interior, like prehistoric karyatids: Peking Man, Java Man, Cro-Magnon, Neanderthal and Australopithecus are part of the original shaped concrete structure. But since the takeover of the intelligent designers, tags have been taped up beside them which explain that these alleged diverse species were actually all homo sapiens, albeit with funny-shaped skulls, created as part of God's plan. As with the dinosaurs, they're at least admitting these primates are as old as the fossils indicate, so they aren't complete fundamentalists like New-Earth Creationists.

On the other hand, their website has links to some crazy religious articles like this one, which concludes that dinosaurs were on Noah's ark three thousand years ago.

Despite the Bible slant and overdeveloped infrastructure, the dinosaurs are worth a visit the next time you're on your way to Palm Springs. Marvel the enduring legacy of Claude Bell, a dreamer with a mission.

(but I wouldn't recommend spending money at the gift shop; it may go to the suppression of scientific inquiry in our public schools.)

(also, click here to see the structure in New Jersey which Claude visited, and served as his inspiration)